I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
