the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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