theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
