Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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