Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
