I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
