I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
