It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
