After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
