Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
