i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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