During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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