I puked a lego.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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