last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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