She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
