She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
