I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
