I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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