And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
