just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
