margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
