My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
