How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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