Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
