Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They took my balls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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