Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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