My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
