i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
