a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
