Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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