I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
