I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
