got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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