i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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