U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
