trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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