i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
