Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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