So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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