Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize