im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
