so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
