Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
