i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
