is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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