I love black thongs
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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