I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
