1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
