My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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