When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize