I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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