Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Church boner. Awkwardddd
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
