Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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