There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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