I don't remember. Are we still dating?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
