go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
