Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
