college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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