get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
