She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
