There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
