So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
