You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
