I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think people are normalizing furries
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
