I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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